What's The Matter Now??!!!

Everytime i try hard and hard
But why the world always brings me to the jail, prison, even to the helll...
Everytime i smile to the world and wish somedays the world will get me up and touch the blue skies, white clouds..
I know.. you may say me dreaming.. and i understand i never have a dream comes true...
But you may dono or realise that i really had A strong desire for all my dreams.
Somebodies may know that i'm always happy and smiling
But they may don't know how long times i had used to pass through and cross over the range of mountains
After these several times and years
Maybe grow up d..
There are many thngs that already fix and we could not change forever
After these several years..
you will know that you have no choice for choosing once you face the toughs
I can't keep crying and crying..
cause after crying.. nothing ever change..
everything that i dont want that i dont satisfied that making me disappointed... alll of these still be like that.. i cant do anything...
It may just be a scar in my heart that noone really understand on it...
what can i do???
who can teach me what can i do?
Do you know??
It is more suffering than the time gastric...
It's so suffering to control the tears from coming down..
I dont know how to explain that why i need to do so..
Maybe because of the places
Because of everythings...
who can give me a hand to pull me up??
Who can give me a warm and big hugs??
Someone who really can did so are not arround me now..
Few days before...
I saw a book written that such a wonderful age in 20 years old
Cause you can get what you want and change and creat your own life..
Is it true???
I dont know...
Cause with this sucking results..
I don't think i can handle my life so well..
you know???
I think over the whole nights..
Am i really to be on one's last legs???
If not...
Plese tell me why my results are getting more and more worst
Is it i'm not really trying hard although i think it's enough for...
i wish to get back the childhood
Cause it's the greatness time for...
My dear God..
Can i really get a good future???
How could i tell my mom about the results...
I hate myself that cant really get a good and better results for..
I hate myself that making them feel disappointed on me..
I hate myself that i'm not really a good girl...
I hate myself that the way i hate myself....
The tears always rolling in my eyes... but i'm controlling to hold back and prevent from droping down on my face..
God..
Please forgive me that i may doing wrong in some ways already...