Why??? I also don't know
Just feel sometimes i may too selfish and over did
I don't really ever care on others
Don't care of their feelings
Don't care of their minds
Don't care of them in many many different ways
Well... Someone told me that i'm not and i'm good enough
Someone told me don't think so much and look down myself
Someone told me i should climb myself up over the mountains in the life
Someone told me that noone will be 100% perfect
Someone told and ask me..
"Why you always so wondering and worrying and caring on others??? Why you can't have even more confidence on yourself? Why you can't stop thinking of others mind?? Why you so care their minds on you?? Why you always thinking of them but not yourself?? How about you?? Are you well?? Are you happy?? Why you want making yourself suffering???"
I answer him:" Me??Myself???..Haha.. i don't know.. Cause my rule is others can hurt on me.. oThers can did some bad things on me just me cannot did the same way on them.. Cause who ever did so sure got their own reasons that we cant understand on them.. Cause i was thinking that everyone sure have their good times in a way.. I was thinking that everyone will good although i know it just fooling myself.. But what can do?? Don't you think if think on this way, you can lie on yourself more and get some hopes on them more??"
He said i'm so stupid and haven't bloom and grow up.. Just like before..
He told me everyone can look down on you just yourself cannot did so..
Everyone can hate or dont like you but you MUST LOVE yourself more than others.
You need to be more strong and learning to protect yourself
Ya Ya.. I know.. I knew.. I understood..
Just i also wondering why i cant for..
Haha.. Sometime when i heard that i just smiling and told them why i need to protect myself?? You all will protect me right??
Heheh.. You can say there is a scheme on me..
Cause i'm abit scaring that once i know how to protect myself.. Will you all still beside and protect me??
I'm so glad and thanks god for letting me to have you all by my side no matter how..
Maybe because i so loving you and i was scaring i will lost you all up in one day..
I don't know..
Just scaring....
I'm not so strong but i'm not so weak too...
Just don't think that i was brave enough to face all the problems and mistakes..
Please don't think that i'm so weak till i will ended my life up easily one i was standing on the edge..
I just need a big and warm hug to tight on me
I just need a hand who can hand me and stand with me to cross over it and touch the rainbow..
I just don't want you all too worry me
So i just pretending it's nothing in a smile but still wishing someone who understand me will come towards me..I know it's abit weird..
But that's me.. Sometimes.. I just need someone will knew that i'm not really happy and will protect me, give me supports and spirits..
Okay.. Once i written these down..
I know that there are really have someone who really did so on me..
I'm thanks them... Ya.. THEM.. not only one..
Because of you all i can standing up when i fell down
Because of you all i can seeing the shining stars in the midnight
Because of you all i can keep being myself
Please understand that i'm really love you all just the way you are loving me too..
Just sometimes i don't know how to express out my feelings so well to you all..
Everyone have their own way to love thier love..
And hope you all understand that it's just a one way for me to loving you
Okay.. For now.. I'm still trying to approach it to love myself more and learning to protect myself
But just sometimes i also don't know why i will hate that kind of me who always making others sad and disappointed..
i dont like the feeling.. just because of me and the day become dark..
Cause i love to look the smiles on the others faces..
A smile from someone who i care i love and around me.
Maybe you won't know.. Just a little love.. Just a little hug.. Just a little smile..
Even from the one who i dont like or others will melt my heart just in a second..
So i always try to be happy and make a smile on my face..And i'm controlling myself and love myself more..
Sometimes i may hurt others without any realise.. For this.. I'm saying sorry to you all here.. And hope you all don't mind and please forgive me...
Chinese New Year is coming up soon.. Will it be a good begining in a new year?? Will it be different and become better that the last year?? Well.. Hope it will becoming more and more meaningful..
Good luck for my future life..
Wish there always have another sunrise on tomorrow :)
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